Oh my freaking god!!!! Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen would have to be the most awesome thing I have ever seen. Screw all the bullshit 'proper' film critics have been saying about it being too long and too loud and lacking in good acting from the 'real' cast, to me this film is just amazing. Obviously my taste in film is completely different to theirs and for that I am eternally grateful because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to enjoy this film as much as I did. The visual effects the film uses would have to be the best I've ever seen, the robots once again look fantastic and this time there's more variation in design as the line ups for both sides have been increased and battles are bigger and badder than the first . Maybe it's because I've grown up in the generation of Michael Bay epics and like minded films that it didn't seem long or loud or any of those criticisms and instead it was funny, visually stunning and pure enjoyment from start to finish.

Story... After defeating Megatron, leader of the Decepticons, and destroying the All-Spark Optimus Prime, leader of a race of transforming robots called the Autobots, and his comrades form an alliance with the US Government to seek out and destroy the remaining Decepticons, sworn enemies of the Autobots. It turns out the Decepticons are looking for something which will help them and The Fallen, the original intergalactic bad ass, take thier revenge on the Earth and the Autobots once and for all. It is up to Optimus and Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBouef), the guy who first discovered the Autobots, to stop the Decepticons and The Fallen and save the Earth. ( I don't really want to go in to too much more detail because I don't want to ruin it, plus story really comes in second place to the amazing spectacle of destruction and devastation that happens on screen)

What it Did Well... Obviously the action sequences and pretty much any scene with the Transformers are freaking awesome. It is just absolute mayhem on the screen and I loved it, if you analyse this film of course you will find flaws but that's not the point. The point is they're are giant fucking robots on the screen who are literally beating the shit out of each other and that's exactly what you've paid for. The time and effort that has obviously gone in to the visual presentation of this film is just awe inspiring. There's one scene where the Constructicons, construction themed Decepticons, unite with each other to create a super Transformer Devastator and it is just jaw droppingly amazing. The way it brutally combines itself it actually makes you believe that's the way it would happen if this was real, a lot of effort has been put in to the little details here. It certainly does epic well and it certainly does destruction well, welcome to Michael Bay's world.


What it Didn't... The whole Sam and his girlfriend Mikaela (Megan Fox) I love you thing was a bit lame. Sam is going to college without his girlfriend and she wants him to say I love you but he can't, there's a few scenes where she keeps trying to get him to say it and they argue and then make up. It was just sappy and stupid and really I didn't want a freaking love story, I wanted giant robots blowing each other up and luckily the film had plenty of that to make me forget that little moment. Seriously though if you are coming to this film for serious drama then you might be in the wrong place, it's action all the way baby.

Memorable Moment... More like a memorable 30 minutes, the climax of the film where it's basically all out war between the alliance of the US military and the Autobots and the Decepticons is just insane. Sand has never looked better than when it's being thrown in the air from an explosion. There's a good deal of variation in the focus of the battle as so many things are going on and Bay attempts to adequately show each conflict before bringing it all to a conclusion. It's just so intense and exciting and I couldn't wait to see what Transformers would duke it out next.

So What Does it All Mean... Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen looks to be one of those films you'll either love or hate. So far most critics hate it but the box office will probably love it. Personally I think most critics are a bunch of douche bags, taking their opinions with a grain of salt which you may do with myn as I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion. If you are interested in my opinion then it's this film kicks ass and takes names in the most visually amazing way I've ever seen and you know what Michael Bay doesn't care about reviews and either should you so just go out and see this film and judge for yourself. I loved it, every god damn minute of it, and will most certainly see it again and again and again. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen gets 9 big ass explosions out of 10.

So the first reviews of Transformers Revenge of the Fallen are out after it's premiere in the UK. Rottentomatoes currently has 10 reviews collected with 6 being good and 4 being rotten giving the film a current score of 5.4 out of 10. Not the greatest of starts really. So far the overall consensus is that the film is too long and loud. One reviewer from screen daily dot com writes that "Performance-wise the machines do tend to upstage the humans." Of course they freaking do!!! That is the whole point of the movie!! It's about giant freaking transforming robots!!! If it was me I wouldn't even have any humans in it really, it'd be like the original TV show where apart from 1 or 2 people (the original Witwickies) humans were only ever seen running away in terror. If you are going to this film expecting to see quality, Oscar performances from LeBouef and Fox then you clearly are in the wrong theatre. I mean honestly what actor could hold an audiences attention when there is a car that can turn into a 30 foot robot next to him? Also I love how no one is prepared to sit through a long film anymore. Quentin Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds which premiered at Cannes was about 2 and a half hours and majority of critics complained about it saying it dragged along and was way too long and now Tarantino is trying to re-edit it for theatrical release. Similar criticism has been released about Revenge of the Fallen. It's a summer blockbuster!! They are supposed to be long and loud and not make sense. You are supposed to go there and be like my mind has been blown by how freaking awesome that just looked and that's it. It's pure escapism. I mean come on who honestly goes to these movies expecting an engaging storyline filled with moral dilemmas, political intrigue and serious drama...apart from reviewers ofcourse. These films are designed for the inner child in all of us, well mostly the inner boy in all of us, who sat around watching Looney Tunes cartoons were all they did was try to kill each other and we loved it. That is the pure glee and excitement these films are trying to give us and if you can realise that then you can enjoy these movies and not even notice how long it was or how loud it was. Those that were positive reviews seemed to reiterate this stance, saying that older people may not look it and that it is a film for the child in all of us and well for actual kids. Also saying that the specatacle is for everyone but the story may be more fan boy directed. Obviously seeing as I'm not a kick ass reviewer, yet, I haven't been able to go to an advanced screening of it but I will be seeing it on the 24th when it comes out and will be posting my own thoughts then. I can almost say with certainty that I will love it, any excuse to go and see giant transforming robots fighting each other is good enough for me and considering that there are more in this one and it's longer I'm already happy.

After months of trying to escape it I was finally forced to watch the latest teen girl sensation Twilight. The film adaptation of Stephanie Meyer's hit series of books was always going to be a success regardless of how good or bad the film was. The audience was always going to be there to see it and it was, the film was a smash hit raking in $382 million worldwide and the sequel is already in production. Personally though I hated it and this is why.

Story... Or lack thereof. A good film adaptation of a book or comic or anything will allow the viewer to understand the story and generally what the hell is going on even if they haven't read the book. After all these movies are expensive to make so they want to reach the most amount of people. Well I had no freaking idea what the hell was going on in Twilight. It mostly revolves around some ridiculously pale girl Bella who lives in Phoenix, Arizona PHOENIX FREAKING ARIZONA!!! The sun never goes away EVER!! How the hell is she so pale!! Maybe it's so she doesn't look out of place with the weird looking vampires she's going to want to sex? Anyway she moves away from Phoenix to live with her dad in small town Forks, Washington possibly the dreariest looking small town in America. Gloom seems to surround this small town most of the town. Anyway she goes to the local school and gets bombarded by this ridiculous group of people whose sole job is to inform her of the 'Cullens' the local weirdos who also happen to be the hotties, and the Vampires. From here on in it's a Mormon love story, filled with so much teenage angst it's not funny and reminded me of the Harry Potter Puppet Pals Wizard Angst spoof. Bella for some reason is the most amazing smelling piece of meat vampire Edward Cullen has ever smelt. Now normally the vampire would then EAT HER!!! But no he's a vampire vegetarian who only eats animals, how nice of him. So he gets all angsty and conflicted, Bella gets an orgasm face anytime the word boy is mentioned and they decide to date each other. She meets the rest of the ragtag vampire family who also want to eat her and becomes the focus of obsession for a rival vampire, a supposedly ruthless tracker James. That's about as much as I can be bothered telling you about the story, I only understood that much because I had someone who has seen the film a million times and read all the books explaining everything. The story just doesn't make any sense if you haven't read the books you can't grasp that these are a different form of vampire than you are use to because nothing explains that. Half the dialogue is about dieing and eating and can be down right depressing. Probably why it's so popular with the teenage girls of today, everyone loves a moody, conflicted love story about death right?

What it did Well... The town was gloomy but looked really good, your typical small town America setting. The forest they so often run in too was beautiful whilst the Cullens dressed really well and had an amazingly cool house. This is one of the mainstay vampire traits Meyer seems to embrace, Vampires are always wealthy, glamorous and well posh and snobby. Also Bella's dad was probably my favourite character because he was BELIEVABLE!! He acted like a dad who hadn't spent much time with his daughter and in my opinion some of the best scenes involved him, like when he's cleaning his guns and meets Edward for the first time "Bring him in" (cocks shotgun).

What it Didn't... Ok where do I start here. The Cullen family vampires looked ridiculous with their beyond pale skin, one of the guys looked like Edward Scissor Hands but didn't have the advantage of saying he was built by a mad scientist. Meyer just rips vampire lore to pieces, her vamps have no fangs but hiss when angered, no claws but maneuver their hands like they do and instead of dieing in sunlight they have diamond skin that jingles. What the hell!!! Diamond skin!!! I know the jingling wasn't in the book so why the hell add it in the film it was just weird. The special effects in this film were terrible. They reminded me of the 1994 Jim Carrey film The Mask except The Mask was actually good. Edward Cullen and the other vampires blur their way around the screen when ever they run or jump or break into girls houses so they can watch them sleep and 'Spider Monkey' Bella has to hang on for dear life. Spider Monkey, what the hell kind of nickname is that anyway? One lot of vampires seemed to glide and walk at the sametime. The fight scene actually wasn't too terrible but the baseball scene was ridiculous. Just why did they have to play baseball? I don't understand that scene at all. Hardwicke really disappointed me with her direction of this film. I loved Lords of Dogtown one of her prior films but in Twilight she really missed the mark. The camera angles, techniques and shots she chose in certain scenes were ridiculous. In one scene Edward and Bella are standing in a clearing, the camera pans round as they talk and instead of waiting a second longer for the pan to finish and end up infront of Bella there's a cut to infront of her, WHY!! In another scene shortly after the camera goes on a dutch tilt and takes in the scenery half way through a scene with Bella and Edward, it wasn't even angled at what they might be seeing it just seems to trail off and then forgets they are there as they appear tiny in the bottom corner. In another scene they are walking and talking and all of a sudden goes to a flashback of the day before, no reason why you and could only tell because of their clothes and then folds back into the present. I did not understand the reason for that flashback, the information given could have just as easily been relayed in the present scene. It was a flashback just for the sake of it. Probably my most hated scene though was when Edward was standing on some rocks and jumps literally a metre down in a display of his crazy blurred vampire awesomeness. Why did he do that? Why did they show that? It was like a five year old jumping from the curb to the road, random and stupid. He didn't need his vampire powers to do it, he could have done it normally but no he goes blurry vampire for it.

What it all Means... Obviously I'm not the target audience for this film at all. You seem to have to appreciate the books or the romance genre to get this film. The special effects and fight scenes seem thrown in their to make dragged along boyfriends feel ok about being there but the special effects are especially bad, a clear afterthought to the whole production. None of this matters though because the film was always going to be a success and clearly lots of 16 year old girls are going to be dieing to see the sequel. I give Twilight 4 sucks on a dead corpse out of 10.